Guiding Children Through the Loss of a Pet

One of the hardest parts of pet ownership is having to say goodbye.

Death is a scary topic, and when it’s not talked about and rationalized enough and it becomes an unknown, which is scary for anyone.

Many times, the death of a pet is a child’s first loss. 

renowned parenting and school psychologist, board-certified behavior analyst, and author of shares some important things to consider when deciding how to approach the subject of death with a child include:

• Tell the truth and be matter of fact when explaining it but keep their developmental age in mind. Use books to help explain the circle of life- Ex: how a flower starts as a seed and then evolves.. Being open and emotional can help your child learn how to mourn.
• Make sure to use the words dead or died. Many find using the words dead or dead uncomfortable – and prefer using phrases like, passed away, lost, crossed over, went to sleep – but research shows that using realistic words to describe death helps the grieving process.
• Share information in doses. Gauge what your child can handle by giving information in small bits at a time. You’ll know what to base it on depending on the questions your child asks
• Use the word death or dying and get to share your own emotions. It is important to avoid offering explanations of death such as ‘lost’, ‘gone away’ or ‘gone to sleep’ that may cause misunderstandings and confusion.
• Understand Children may grieve differently. They will follow stages of grief, but  It’s also natural for a child to feel lonely and isolate themselves at this time too. It’s also common for children to seem unaffected by the loss. There is no right way to grieve.
• Your child’s age plays a role in how you discuss death and loss. When children are younger they are concrete in their understanding, so use visuals and relate the experience to things they use in their own repertoire. Teens may at this time understand what the process feels like due to the loss of a pet. 

A few comforting activities that might help a child who’s struggling with the concept of death and loss of your pet:

• Make a memory box to fill with items that connected your child with a loved one
• Writing a goodbye letter
• Plant a giving tree
• Create a circle of life visual using something they can relate to- ex: the stages of a flower 
• Marking Time.
• Memento. 
• Bowl of Memories. 
• Tribute Video. 
• Eternal Light. 
• Portraits.

Signs to look out for that your child might benefit from a therapist’s support?

• Loss of sleep 
• Loss of appetite
• Withdrawal that is persistent
• Signs of anxiety or depression 
• Fear that cannot be comforted